Potato Chip Cats: There is Now a Level Zero: My First Workout in Forever

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

There is Now a Level Zero: My First Workout in Forever

For 2015, I made a series of what I thought were attainable New Year's Resolutions. The first was to "be smarter financially." Just that, those exact words. (Notice how non-specific I was). Second, was to "drink more water." Third, was to "eat more realistic portions." (Notice I said realistic, not necessarily smaller....I'm taking baby steps here.)

While I didn't announce it or write it down or whatever, subconsciously I also wanted to lose weight. Ugh, I'm so non-committal! So I tried a little bit and gave up in January. Chimichangas and pasta and steal and chocolate (not all together) are just too good. But now it's February and I'm going to try again.

Needless to say, my first workout of the month was a complete and utter failure. Shifu from Kung Fu Panda (I'm so mature, right?) hit the nail on the head when he admitted that "there is now a Level Zero."

Beginner Po is my spirit animal. 

I kicked off this faux-resolution by using a Groupon deal to get a Jillian Michaels DVD for like $6. I still have Groupon credit from my failed helicopter ride, so it felt like it was free- off to a good start! But not for long.

The first five minutes of the video she calls a "warm-up." HA. When you're level 0, there needs to be another term for this. My attempt was truly laughable. You know things have gotten bad when you can feel your belly flab bouncing independently of your body while doing jumping jacks. And when you can't even finish 60 jumping jacks.

By the end of just those two short circuits, I was panting and wheezing like a pug with a bad cold. Jillian is pepping away (is pepping a word?) and getting ready to start (warming up doesn't count as starting- excellent!) while I am lying on the yoga mat trying not to die and clutching my water bottle like it's the elixir of life.

Next there was a cycle of squats with some arms stuff (I did do about ten squats and a lunge or two), then abs, and then more god-forsaken, torturous "exercises". I can't be sure, because I blacked out.

Just kidding.

But in all seriousness, I stood and watched about 40 more minutes of three impeccably toned women blitzing around and smiling like they're really enjoying this, and all I could muster was standing. I hear that's better for you than sitting. Way to go, me!

So in summation, day one...not so hot. But there's always day two, and now I know where I stand and how hard I need to work. Here goes nothing!


  1. I giggled reading this and then I was so happy I am not alone in ending up just standing there watching them work out lol. You can do it!


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